How Good Would a Team of Basketball Antivaxxers Be? — An NBA 2K Micksperiment

Meet the St. Louis COVID-19ers — and the oft-overlooked NBA star who’s about to make their existence a living hell.

Mickey Desruisseaux

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Inspired by and paling in comparison to Jon and the other Boises at SB Nation/Secret Base, whose “Breaking Madden” and “Fumble Dimension” videos belong in gaming, sporting, and comedic Valhalla.

Prologue: The Plague

For many people in the United States, including yours truly, the coronavirus pandemic really began on March 11th, 2020. That was the day that, following the positive COVID test of Utah Jazz center Rudy Gobert, the NBA indefinitely suspended its season, merely a month before the playoffs were set to begin. Lockdowns, quarantines, and shelter-in-place orders swiftly followed across the country, triggering a wave of confusion and fear that still hasn’t fully crested.

The 2021–22 season starts in less than a month, and it isn’t.

There are a few culprits responsible for this. There’s the virus itself, of course, which continues to mutate with more variants than your standard Loki. There’s the mixed and muddled messaging by governmental and public health experts, which has dipped into the realm of the outright hypocritical at times. And then there’s the juicy fruit of Operation Warp Speed itself — the vaccine, the mounting resistance among the American population to take it, and the number of public figures encouraging said resistance. While some of these culprits were expected and a few were surprising, for someone whose personal pandemic began the day the NBA stopped, the newest culprits are teeth-gnashingly frustrating.

There’s a saying among NBA enthusiasts and opportunistic Nike executives alike: “basketball never stops.” It’s a reference to the fact that palace intrigue in the NBA isn’t confined to its regular season or its playoffs, and that the biggest stories of the year are just as likely…

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Mickey Desruisseaux

Scribbling at the intersection of race, law, politics, and pop culture. A monster of many words trying to be a man of all of them.