For years I’ve braced myself for a potential foreign attack on the Capitol. I never thought the invaders would be U.S. citizens.

Pro-Trump extremists break the windows of the Capitol building. Photo: Pacific Press/Getty Images

As a child of the 9/11 era, there are a lot of headlines I thought I might eventually see. In the immediate aftermath of the attacks, I thought I might see that a plane had hit the Sears Tower in my hometown of Chicago. After Barack Obama was elected president, I thought I might see that a white supremacist had assassinated him. The only thing that surprises me about a mass shooting is not the act of violence, but a particularly high death toll.

I was not prepared for this.

On a day in which the leadership of the federal…

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The Marvel Cinematic Universe dominates the cultural landscape. Its latest entry shows how it keeps wasting the chance to change it.

Early in 2011's Captain America: The First Avenger, set during the height of World War II, there’s a scene where a skinny little nobody from Brooklyn named Steven Rogers attempts to enlist in the US Army. It’s the sixth time he’s tried, having been previously rejected for his small stature and long history of illnesses. When Steve realizes he might get arrested for falsifying his enlistment documents, he tries to book it, before he’s confronted by a doctor who asks him, point-blank, if he wants to “kill some Nazis.”

After introducing himself as Dr. Abraham Erskine and pressing Steve on…


Mortal Kombat (2021) is a bad movie. One of its side characters saves it from being terrible.

There’s a new Mortal Kombat movie out this weekend. It is not a good movie.

I’m sure that doesn’t come as a surprise to many people; when it comes to cross-media adaptations, video game movies are notoriously and consistently the worst. That’s not to say that there aren’t outliers; I’ve heard good things about Sonic the Hedgehog, Pokémon: Detective Pikachu was surprisingly enjoyable, and if you grit your teeth, Prince of Persia isn’t that rough of a sit. Even the first Mortal Kombat movie makes for a decent enough guilty pleasure. But on the whole, there’s something about that particular…


Scattered reflections after a painfully long week.

One night when I was a teenager, my eldest brother surprised me by taking me out to get dinner at my favorite restaurant Chi Tung, an Asian fusion joint that’s a staple of Southwest Chicago dining. Considering I only ever ended up at Chi Tung after some major event like a graduation or a baptism, this was a real treat for me, so much so that I didn’t immediately pick up that my brother was being uncharacteristically taciturn during the drive over. …


A begrudging recognition from a totally-unbiased Bulls fan.

I’ve never been prepared to hatewatch a movie more than Space Jam: A New Legacy, for reasons that have everything to do with a fanatical devotion to Michael Jordan and the 90s Chicago Bulls and literally nothing else. Seeing LeBron James in any position that implies an equivalence with Jordan (which is objectively a fair argument, and subjectively blasphemy) gets my blood boiling.*

But after catching the trailer after it dropped this morning, and for the most part the movie looks OK enough if a bit noisy, I found myself briefly and begrudgingly blown away by a shot towards the…


I'm glad you liked it! And to be honest, I kind of just forgot about the music after a while; I remember thinking at first that the score overall was better than the original cut, but aside from a few scenes here and there (specifically Barry's big moment at the end), it kind of blurred together. Four hours is a lot.

But the one thing that I do remember hating was the wail that showed almost every time Diana did anything, including the bomb scene. It was so jarring and so repetitive, especially considering that her original theme from BvS is probably the most iconic theme from the entire franchise. Definitely a change for the worse.


So much for cancel culture run amok, eh?

Pictured: the actual worst thing that has ever happened.

The gall of some people.

Less than two weeks after the American empire* was nearly brought to its knees not by a lethal virus, nor by draconian restrictions on voting rights, nor by the triumphant return of its national pre-pandemic pastime of mass shootings, but by a couple of women rapping about getting their freak all the way on at the Grammys, the nation was rocked again by a provocative musician with no absolutely no regard for the fragility of the land he calls home.

Yes, ’tis Lil Nas X, known for singing “Old Town Road” and literally no other…


The former officer’s defense of his actions the night George Floyd was killed is a staggering self-own of policing in America.

One of the first things that gets drilled into you right away in law school is that in our adversarial system, everyone accused of a crime — everyone — is entitled to a strong defense. It doesn’t matter how serious the crime is, it doesn’t matter how evident their guilt may be, it doesn’t matter how unrepentant they might be behind closed doors. Everyone gets a shot at proving their innocence, even if, in the long view of things, they don’t appear to deserve it. …


He is truly concerned about a very serious problem facing America.

GLADSTONE, MO — Local sports fan Coby Eiling loudly applauded the advancing wave of legislation across the country banning trans athletes from participating in girls’ and women’s sports, which he steadfastly refuses to watch because he isn’t a goddamn pussy.

“Women’s sports are important,” Eiling said, who earlier this month commented “she should shut up and get back in the kitchen” under a video of Candace Parker explaining modern NBA offenses to Shaquille O’Neal. …


The long-anticipated recut of Justice League is easily better than the original release. Whether it’s good enough to justify its own existence is less clear.

“I want it to be good, because that’s how the story is supposed to end.”

To most of the general population, the word “Yahtzee” conjures up a board game that you turn to when your party guests are too young for Cards Against Humanity, not nerdy enough for Settlers of Catan, and too prone to violent meltdowns for Monopoly. For capital-G gamers, however, it’s the moniker of one of the most hilariously vicious reviewers in the industry, Benjamin “Yahtzee” Croshaw of Zero Punctuation fame. If there’s a popular video game that you enjoy, odds are that Yahtzee has reviewed it…

Mickey Desruisseaux

Writer. Nerd. Shithole-American. A monster of many words trying to be a man of all of them.

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